Cupid, You and I need to Discuss Your Aim

Disclaimer: I got the title from a FaceBook Page which I became a fan of.

I hope I find someone who, unlike you, will be scared to lose me.

I hope I will find someone who can love me the way I love you.

I guess I'm beginning to accept that it's not you.

It's probably not you.

Because you're driving me crazy.

And not in a good way.

Shout Out

I attended the 9th Annual MetroCon held at the University of Rizal System in Tanay, Rizal. The event was entitled: Shout Out.

And here's mine.

Here's the summary of the whole story:

Slightly more than a year ago today, I met a boy.
He and I grew close.
I fell in love with him.
He didn't feel the same way and although we never officially became a couple, he and I were always more than just friends.
I was happy.
I broke a lot of rules but I didn't give a rat's ass because I was so so sooo happy.

Almost 2 months ago, that boy broke my heart.
It was with a broken heart and a broken spirit that I attended the YFC-TIP Manila Youth Camp.
The Camp made me feel better about the circumstances but I'm still broken.
I'm not sure if I can ever be whole again.

You wanna know what's ironic?
The boy who broke my heart is the same boy who comforts me whenever I feel awful.
Just this morning, I was crying when he hugged me and told me to be strong.
He kissed me on both cheeks and told me that I'll get through this.

Lord, I hope he's right.

Please, help me move on. Help me get better. Help me let go. So I can be as good a friend to him as he is to me.

This is my shout out.

Make a Smilebox photobook

Broken Girl

I want to scream until no sound comes out and you've learned your lesson

I want to swallow these pills to get to sleep

So I don't have to make a bad impression

I need to start to be myself

'Cause I'm sick of everybody else

I won't let you bring me down

It's here

And now I'm breaking out

I will learn to love again

But I will stand a broken man

I wanna run, but only far enough to make you miss me

I wanna take back all the shit that I have done

But I guess you were better off without me

I need to start to be myself

'Cause I'm sick of everybody else

I won't let you bring me down

It's here and now

I'm breaking out

I will learn to love again

But I will stand a broken man

I took one big step and I looked away

And then I thought of all the things that I wanted to say

I'm always too late

You never got your story straight

I'm always up late

I think I'm everything you hate

I won't let you bring me down

It's here and now

I'm breaking out

I will learn to love again

But I will stand a broken man

(Broken Man by Boys Like Girls)

I can't stop listening to this song. One day I will wake up and I will be okay. I will stop crying and feeling sorry for myself. I will be happy.I just cling to the hope that there is someone out there who is meant to love me the way I deserve to be loved.

Crushed

For the past 11 months my life feels like it's been hurtling towards a goal at about 150km/hour. Everything besides my goal were mere blurs. And then something happened. I crashed. Came to an abrupt halt. And instead of a quick, painless, death, I was left alive to suffer the consequences of my actions.

photo from: http://rainkira.deviantart.com/art/Crushed-41179883

Sometimes, not having an umbrella has its benefits...

I hate it when it rains. Which is too bad for me because I live in a tropical country where it practically rains about half of the year and sometimes even during the dry season. I know a lot of people who don't mind the precipitation because it gets quite cold in an otherwise humid city and I must say that I see what they mean but this doesn't change the way I feel about rain. Here are some reasons why I loathe the rainy season:

1. I don't like it when my feet get wet in flood water.

2. I'm very paranoid about Leptospirosis.

3. I don't like bringing an umbrella.

4. You wouldn't think that Manila traffic could get any worse but during heavy rainfall, that's exactly what happens.

5. I don't like the general gloominess of the atmosphere when it rains, it's very conducive for depression.

But something happened last night that made me like rain a lot more than I usually do. I attended a friend's birthday party in Bulacan and when it was time to go home, it was raining cats and dogs. My friend, the birthday celebrant, had an umbrella but it wasn't big enough to cover both of us so we ended up getting soaked anyway. It was a pretty long walk from his house to the tricycle stop. I was grumbling the whole time because I was ankle deep in floodwater and my shirt was wet and I was getting cold because it was really windy, too. At the same time, I was really worried about him because I didn't want him to get sick or anything like that. The rain was turning torrential and no tricycle was in sight. Suffice it to say that I was in a sour mood. But one little moment made me feel better about the whole situation While we were waiting for a tricycle, he put his arm around me so that we could kip under the little umbrella. So there we were, in the middle of an empty street, huddled under a small umbrella while water poured as if from a waterfall all around us. Right then and there, my bad mood went away. I wished it would take hours for the tricycle to get there so we could stay like that for a long time. It was such a sweet gesture that I was taken off guard. My friend, who was usually brusque when it comes to me, was being really nice to me. Don't get me wrong, he's a good guy but things like that weren't something that happened often so I think that memory will be lodged in my head for a while. It's not somehing that I'm likely to forget because of the rush of feelings that I experienced at that time. Just when I felt like I was about to give up on him, he goes and does something like that. It gave me hope. The rain turned out to be a blessing after all.

And that is why sometimes, not having a umbrella has its benefits.

photo from: http://Peach-melba.deviantart.com/art/Umbrella-20280249

Mahal ko talaga siya.

Mahal na mahal.

Sorry, wala na kong mapaglabasan ng sama ng loob.

Ang bigat bigat lang talaga ng pakiramdam ko.

Ang hirap pala talagang magmahal ng taong hindi ka gusto.

Feeling ko tuloy ang laki ng diperensya ko.

Ewan ko ba.

Napakaiyakin ko talaga.

Pag gising, iyak.

Bago matulog, iyak.

Hindi ko na alam kung anong dapat kong gawin.

Hindi ko siya kayang layuan kasi sa maikling panahon na nakilala ko siya, naging napakahalagang bahagi na niya ng buhay ko.

Hindi ko na alam kung san ako lulugar.