Uncensored

Birthday niya bukas.
To greet or not to greet?
That is the question.
Wala naman masama diba?
Iggreet lang naman eh.

Whew.

Malapit na mag August.
I know for a fact na one year na sila next month.

Shit.

Mahirap hindi mainggit.
Why?
Because she has the only boy that I have ever loved THAT MUCH.
He belongs to her and her to him.
It can't get any better than that, can it?

Taena.

Mahigit one year na di pa rin ako nakaka move on.
Ano ba, exag na 'to.
Much as I'd like to forget you, I can't because you have made yourself unforgettable.

Leche.

Di kita minumura ha?
I'm just cursing the circumstances.
Life is so effing unfair.
Mahal na mahal kita. Sabi mo mahal mo pa rin ako. Pero mahal mo din sha at mahal ka din niya.
Magkalayo tayo. Magkalapit kayo.
Ang daya.

Pakshet.

Well, at least you're happy.
I don't wanna sound like an effing martyr but if you're happy, I'm happy.

Darn it.

But I can't help but wish for a second chance.
I wish I could be the one who makes you smile.
I wish I could be the person whose shoulders you cry on.
I wish I could be the one who makes you laugh.
I wish I could be the person with whom you share your fears, dreams, and aspirations with.
Sana ako na lang. Ako na lang ulit. (One More Chance ito?! hahaha.)

Damn.

I miss you so much.
Much as I hate it, you're permanently lodged in the recesses of my very twisted mind.
Kung kaya ko lang, matagal na kita kinalimutan.
You think I like pining for you like this?
Hell no.
Ang hirap kaya.
Oh, well.
C'est la vie, right?
It sucks but that's just the way it is.

Happy Birthday Moo.
Hope you have a good one.

When things get serious..

Stress is getting to me.
It has managed to seep in every nook and cranny in my brain and is now inundating every fiber of my being.
I am this close to freaking out.
Which only means one thing: it’s midterm week at my school.

I’m not what you’d call diligent when it comes to my studies. I just listen well in class lectures so I usually have an idea what’s going on around me, but I’m not fond of doing extra class work when I don’t have to. I’m the kind of person that does her homework a few hours before it’s due and studies for an exam about a day before I’m scheduled to take it. I don’t do advanced studying. I just don’t see the point. It has always worked for me because I’ve managed to not fail any major subjects in my course now, have I?

But I can’t be like that anymore. If I want to graduate by June 2009, I have to exert extra effort because my old study habits won’t work for the subjects that I’m taking this term. I have to really, truly study hard, which is why you can find me spending and inordinate amount of time in the school library or in the one of the conservatories. I started studying for the midterms two weeks ago but I’m still not sure if I’m adequately prepared for it. I don’t wanna fail anything so I’m pushing myself to study hard even if I don’t feel like it. Just a few more months and I’ll graduate and I’ll finally be done with all of this. I can hardly wait. I wanna do something useful for my mom and dad and brother like working to earn money. I hate being stuck in school. Don’t get me wrong, I love my school and all but I just wanna finish my studies. Let’s just get it all over with.

I am looking forward to graduating because it will bring me closer to finally moving to where my family is. I’ve never really looked forward much to moving to Europe because I know that I will terribly miss the Philippines and everyone that I’m going to be leave behind. But certain events have made me change my mind. I am now eager to leave. I know I’m still going to miss all my friends and my family here when I leave but there are certain memories that I’m keen to move away from. Besides, I’m sick of living by myself here in Manila. It gets really lonely.

I’m pushing myself to study so I can leave as soon as possible. It’s as simple as that. Who cares about stress when I have much better things waiting for me as a prize, right? I may not be fond of studying but I’m doing it as well as I can because I am a person with big dreams and high aspirations. I’m not about to let a little thing like lack of sleep to get in the way of my future.