Batangas...

It's been a while since I last went there. 

Almost six months, in fact.

I'm going tomorrow because it's my friend's birthday so we're gonna sleep over at her house.

I guess that means I'm gonna board a Batangas Star Express.

Huh.

Flashback.

It's the geek in me..

I'm supposed to be studying for my EURODEV exam on Tuesday. I've been doing that since this morning and it's really getting to me. So I'll stop for now. I was browsing through old files when I came across a list that I made a few months ago. It's a list of the books that I've read since High School (that's why I didn't include all the Baby Sitters' Club, Goosebumps, Sabrina the Teenage Witch and Sweet Valley High stuff). The one's that I remember anyways. I updated it a little bit so the total's up to a 127 now and I highlighted my favorites. Why did I do this seemingly pointless task, you may ask. You know what, I don't really know why. I just felt like doing it. 

(J.K Rowling)

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Quidditch Through the Ages

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

(Tamora Pierce)

Alanna: The First Adventure

In the Hand of the Goddess

The Woman Who Rides Like a Man

 Lioness Rampant

 Wild Magic

 Wolf-Speaker

 The Emperor Mage

 The Realms of the Gods

 First

 Page

 Squire

 Lady Knight

 

 Trickster’s Choice

 Trickster’s Queen

(Stephenie Meyer)

Twilight

New Moon

Eclipse

Breaking Dawn

(Meg Cabot)

The Princess Diaries

Take Two (aka Princess in the Spotlight)

Third Time Lucky (aka Princess In Love)

Mia Goes Fourth (aka in Waiting)

Give Me Five (aka Princess in Pink)

Sixsational (aka Princess in Training)

Seventh Heaven (aka Party Princess)

After Eight (Princess on the Brink)

Shadowland

Ninth Key

Reunion

Darkest Hour

Haunted

Twilight

All-American Girl

Ready or Not

She Went All the Way

Every Boy’s Got One

 

(Cathy Hopkins)

Mates, Dates, and Inflatable Bras

Mates, Dates, and Cosmic Kisses

Mates, Dates, and Sleepover Secretes

Mates, Dates, and Sole Survivors

Mates, Dates, and Sequin Smiles

Mates, Dates, and Designer Divas

(Niki Burnham)

Royally Jacked

Spin Control

 

(Carly Phillips)

The Bachelor

The Playboy

The Heartbreaker

 

(Louise Rennison)

Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging

On the Bright Side I’m now the Girlfriend of a Sex God

Knocked Out by my Nunga-nungas

Dancing in my Nuddy Pants

Away Laughing on a Fast Camel

Then He Ate My Boy Entrancers

Startled by His Furry Shorts

Love is a Many Trousered Thing

(Lemony Snickett)

The Bad Beginning

The Reptile Room

The Wide Window

(Jessica Zafra)

Manananggal Terrorizes Manila and Other Short Stories

Womenagerie and Other Tales from the Front

Twisted

Twisted II: Spawn of the Twisted

Planet of the Twisted

Twisted IV

Twisted V

Twisted 6

Tw7sted

Twisted 8: Night of the Living Twisted

Twisted Flicks

(Bob Ong)

ABNKKBSBPLko!

Bakit Baligtad Magbasa ng Libro ang mga Pilipino

Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas

(Nicholas Sparks)

A Walk to Remember

Message in a Bottle

The Notebook

(Cecelia Ahern)

P.S, I Love You

Rosie Dunne

(Dan Brown)

The DaVinci Code

Angels and Demons

(Paulo Coelho)

Eleven Minutes

The Fifth Mountain

The Alchemist

(Chinie Hidalgo)

The Blair Bitch Project: A Book of Bitchy Poetry

The Blair Bitch Bounces Back

Who Stole my Magic? (The Smart Girl’s Guide to Surviving a Breakup) by Jenny Manuel

Vince’s Life by Vince O. Teves

No Boyfriend Since Birth by Claire Betita

Wander Girl by Tweet Sering

Mr. Write by M.D Balangue

Almost Married by Tara F.T Sering

The Breakup Diaries by Maya Calica

Drama Queen by Abi Aquino

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden

Song of the Wanderer by Bruce Coville

The King of Torts by John Grisham

Una and Miguel by Lilideshan Bose

The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger

The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin

Julie and Romeo by Jeanne Ray

The House with a Clock in its Walls by John Bellairs

The Nanny (I forgot the author and it’s too obscure to search for in the net)

King Dork by Frank Portman

The Christmas Party by Janelle Dennison

Falling Leaves by Adeline Yen Mah

My Brother, My Executioner by F. Sionil Jose

Chronicle of a Death Foretold by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Lucia Lucia by Adriana Trigiani

Just Friends by Robyn Sisman

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus

Exit to Eden by Anne Rice

The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole by Sue Townsend

Lies my Yaya Should Have Told Me by RJ Ledesma

You Suck by Christopher Moore

Al Capone Does My Shirts by Gennifer Choldenko

Breaking Dawn

Breaking Dawn is the fourth and final installment of Stephenie Meyer's internationally best-selling saga, Twilight. It is the conclusion of the un-freaking-believable love story between the impossibly gorgeous vampire Edward Cullen and the somewhat plain yet extraordinary human Bella Swan. 

I love the Twilight books so much that I had a hard time accepting that their story has finally come to a close. Stephenie Meyer's characters are so lovable and quirky and their story so deeply engrossing which is why I had a hard time accepting that it has ended. Although I did like ending. It was just right. The whole book was just right. Some might say that the twists are too absurd but I don't care. Meyer's a gifted writer who has the ability to make you feel whatever her characters are feeling whether it's euphoria or tension or whatever. Breaking Dawn is awesome. It really is. It is the best book that I have ever read so far. I guess I'm a bit biased because I'm a huge fan but I really recommend that you read this. Read it read it read it.

I can't wait for Midnight Sun. 

Uncensored

Birthday niya bukas.
To greet or not to greet?
That is the question.
Wala naman masama diba?
Iggreet lang naman eh.

Whew.

Malapit na mag August.
I know for a fact na one year na sila next month.

Shit.

Mahirap hindi mainggit.
Why?
Because she has the only boy that I have ever loved THAT MUCH.
He belongs to her and her to him.
It can't get any better than that, can it?

Taena.

Mahigit one year na di pa rin ako nakaka move on.
Ano ba, exag na 'to.
Much as I'd like to forget you, I can't because you have made yourself unforgettable.

Leche.

Di kita minumura ha?
I'm just cursing the circumstances.
Life is so effing unfair.
Mahal na mahal kita. Sabi mo mahal mo pa rin ako. Pero mahal mo din sha at mahal ka din niya.
Magkalayo tayo. Magkalapit kayo.
Ang daya.

Pakshet.

Well, at least you're happy.
I don't wanna sound like an effing martyr but if you're happy, I'm happy.

Darn it.

But I can't help but wish for a second chance.
I wish I could be the one who makes you smile.
I wish I could be the person whose shoulders you cry on.
I wish I could be the one who makes you laugh.
I wish I could be the person with whom you share your fears, dreams, and aspirations with.
Sana ako na lang. Ako na lang ulit. (One More Chance ito?! hahaha.)

Damn.

I miss you so much.
Much as I hate it, you're permanently lodged in the recesses of my very twisted mind.
Kung kaya ko lang, matagal na kita kinalimutan.
You think I like pining for you like this?
Hell no.
Ang hirap kaya.
Oh, well.
C'est la vie, right?
It sucks but that's just the way it is.

Happy Birthday Moo.
Hope you have a good one.

When things get serious..

Stress is getting to me.
It has managed to seep in every nook and cranny in my brain and is now inundating every fiber of my being.
I am this close to freaking out.
Which only means one thing: it’s midterm week at my school.

I’m not what you’d call diligent when it comes to my studies. I just listen well in class lectures so I usually have an idea what’s going on around me, but I’m not fond of doing extra class work when I don’t have to. I’m the kind of person that does her homework a few hours before it’s due and studies for an exam about a day before I’m scheduled to take it. I don’t do advanced studying. I just don’t see the point. It has always worked for me because I’ve managed to not fail any major subjects in my course now, have I?

But I can’t be like that anymore. If I want to graduate by June 2009, I have to exert extra effort because my old study habits won’t work for the subjects that I’m taking this term. I have to really, truly study hard, which is why you can find me spending and inordinate amount of time in the school library or in the one of the conservatories. I started studying for the midterms two weeks ago but I’m still not sure if I’m adequately prepared for it. I don’t wanna fail anything so I’m pushing myself to study hard even if I don’t feel like it. Just a few more months and I’ll graduate and I’ll finally be done with all of this. I can hardly wait. I wanna do something useful for my mom and dad and brother like working to earn money. I hate being stuck in school. Don’t get me wrong, I love my school and all but I just wanna finish my studies. Let’s just get it all over with.

I am looking forward to graduating because it will bring me closer to finally moving to where my family is. I’ve never really looked forward much to moving to Europe because I know that I will terribly miss the Philippines and everyone that I’m going to be leave behind. But certain events have made me change my mind. I am now eager to leave. I know I’m still going to miss all my friends and my family here when I leave but there are certain memories that I’m keen to move away from. Besides, I’m sick of living by myself here in Manila. It gets really lonely.

I’m pushing myself to study so I can leave as soon as possible. It’s as simple as that. Who cares about stress when I have much better things waiting for me as a prize, right? I may not be fond of studying but I’m doing it as well as I can because I am a person with big dreams and high aspirations. I’m not about to let a little thing like lack of sleep to get in the way of my future.

Say What?

I seem to have developed some sort of addiction to songs that I can't understand. I suppose this all started when I was in high school. Remember that whole F4 mania? Me and my friends were not exempted from it. Were were HUGE F4 fans. We knew all the songs (even if they were all in Mandarin), we had posters (jologs, i know, but, hey cut us some slack, we were kids), and we watched Meteor Garden faithfully. The fanaticism eventually waned as we grew up. Plus Meteor Garden 2 sucked, in my opinion.

When I was in my junior year in college, one of my classmates found out that I'm a big fan of Disney cartoons. So she gave me copies of Disney soundtracks in French and in Spanish. I love listening to it even if I don't understand most of it.

A few weeks ago, one of my roommates brought home a copy of the Taiwanese version of Hana Kimi. I absolutely loved it. I now have this huge crush on Jiro Wang and I am hooked on their Taiwanese boyband, Farenheit. The girl who plays Rui Xi (Joey) in the series has a girl band called S.H.E and I tried listening to their songs and I really liked them, too even if my Mandarin vocabulary only consists of five word, more or less. I guess Farenheit and S.H.E are super famous in Taiwan because they have a lot of collaborations and stuff. Their music videos are so cute. Some of my favorites are: Zen Me Ban, Wo You Wo De Young, Xin Wo, and Xie Xie Ni De Wen Rou (I hope I spelled them all correctly).

Another song that I love but I can't understand is Utada Hikaru's First Love. This one's in Japanese but some of the words are in English.

A lot of these songs are totally incomprehensible to me (except the ones in Spanish which I can kind of understand) but I really like listening to them because foreign languages really fascinate me. I'd really like to learn as many languages as my brain is capable of.

of cows and bumblebees..

I miss him so much. It's so weird. He's all I ever think about. He runs through my mind from the moment I wake up, up until before my eyes close at the end of the day. It's so frustrating because I can't even cry about him anymore. It's not entirely reasonable to cry over something that ended about a year and a half ago.

I thought I was over him. I thought I had finally let go. I managed to delude myself into thinking that I don't feel anything for him anymore. I mean, I had a boyfriend after him, didn't I? I had a "bee". Please don't think that I am a horrible person because, in my defense, I really did love my "bee". I forgot all about "moo" when I was with "bee" because I thought that I had finally found someone who would replace "moo" and be able to make me feel that I was loved and cared for. I was happy with my "bee". He was sweet and caring and funny at first. But he began to change after a while (just like the rest of them). I started feeling neglected and unhappy. I tried my best to make it work between him and me but in the end, I realized that he wasn't happy with me anymore, he didn't care anymore. So I ended it.

I DID NOT end it because I still have feelings for "moo". That wasn't the reason. My feelings for my "bee" overshadowed what I felt for "moo" but I guess it was always just there, biding its time, just waiting for the moment when it can resurface again. And it has resurfaced. With a firggin' vengeance, I must add.

You'd think that I'd miss my "bee" because he's supposed to be my latest heartache (and I do think about him every now and then) but I don't miss him as much as I miss "moo". Not even close. No one compares to "moo". As cheesy and corny as this might sound, he's my "great love" and, to borrow his words, great loves will never be forgotten. No matter how much you try. He's made such a big impact in my life that it would be impossible to get rid of the traces no matter how much time passes. There's this thing that Edward said to Bella after they came home from Italy and I think it encapsulates what I feel for "moo". I don't remember the exact words but it's something like this: ..before you, my life was like a moonless night but there were stars, lots and lots of stars. When you came into my life, you were like a meteor. You brightness lit up my sky. My eyes have been blinded by the brightness. After you were gone, I can't even see the stars anymore.. or something to that effect.

"Moo" will always be my point of comparison. Not that I want to compare, I just do it subconsciously. He's my dream guy. He always has been and he always will be. His girlfriend is so lucky. She better take good care of him because if I come across a second chance between him and me, I'm not gonna let it pass this time.