Song of the Moment

"How've you been?"

A lot of people have been asking me this lately. I don't know why. I guess I look like someone who doesn't have a very positive answer to this question. Although, when asked, I usually just shrug my shoulders and say that I'm ok. Which is waaaay far from what I am. Cause I am not at all ok. Not even close. It bothers me that I am having hard time achieving closure when it's been, in fact, more than two months since he broke up with me. But that's exactly what's happening. He's still my first thought in the morning and my last at night. I shouldn't, I know, torture myself by replaying everything that we went through together in my head. But I can't help it. I can't help but wonder what I did wrong. I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me. Am I just not worth fighting for? I hate it, really. I wish I would wake up with permanent amnesia and forget that anything happened at all. Yeah, right. Like it could be that easy. When has life ever been fair.

You know what hurts the most? It's like he doesn't even know me anymore. He apologized for throwing the cliche "I hope we could be friends" when he ended things. We all know those things never work, right? But, guess what? I believed in him. Again. I really thought he and I could be friends. But that, apprently, isn't even possible. I'm like a stranger to him now.

I'm a good person, dammit, I don't deserve this.

I miss him so much.

So much.

So much that it hurts like hell.

But whatever.

He doesn't care anymore.

Whatever.

Behind These Hazel Eyes is my song of the moment. Check out the lyrics and figure out for yourself why.

Seems like just yesterday

You were a part of me

I used to stand so tall

I used to be so strong

Your arms around me tigh

tEverything, it felt so right

Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong

Now I can't breathe

No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything

Opened up and let you in

You made me feel alright

For once in my life

Now all that's left of me

Is what I pretend to be

So together, but so broken up inside

'Cause I can't breathe

No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out

For hating you, I blame myself

Seeing you it kills me now

No, I don't cry on the outside

Anymore...

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

I don't have hazel eyes, of course, but you get my drift.