PAKSHET NA KANTA YAN..

When the word catwalk is mentioned, you immediately think of the ramp that models strut their stuff on.

Not in my case. Not anymore.

I am a scriptwriting pool trainee of the Green Media Group and when you sa catwalk, I immediately think of the thin walkway situated about 40-50 feet (i hope i estimated right) above DLSU manila's sports complex. So far, I've had to climb that thing twice. While I am not really acrophobic, I don't consider the experience pleasant nonetheless. I'm quite paranoid so I can't help but think that I will plummet to my death whenever I get up there. I sincerely hope this never happens to anyone because if that drop doesn't kill you, it will sure give you a hellish amount of pain.

The last time I was up there, Parokya Ni Edgar's "Gitara" started playing on the loudspeakers. It made me wanna hurl myself off the catwalk because that song made me rememeber someone that I'm not particularly fond of right now.

That got me thinking.

I'm a very emotional person which is why my mood is easily affected by the littlest things.

Here are other songs that would make me wanna fling myself off the edge of the catwalk if ever I hear them played when I am up there:

Magpakailanman by Rocksteddy

You Are The One by Freestyle

'Til I Found You by Freestyle

Before I Let You Go by Freestyle

Tell Me by Side A

Half Crazy by Freestyle

So far, these are the only ones that strongly affect me right now. I'll upadate this list when I remember more.

I have nothing against the artists who wrote and performed the aforementioned songs nor do I have anything against the people who like them. It's just that they symbolize a time in my life that I would much rather not have gone through.

That's what makes them unbearable for me..

APRIL 16, 2007

I'm in San Jose City, Nueva Ecija. I came home last friday with my whole closet in tow. No kidding. That laundry bag must've weighed 20kilos, at least. Probabaly even 30. I'm bad at estimating but I'm quite sure I got this right. Well, kind of. But whatever. I'm not really dedicating a whole blog entry to my laundry.

I just finished reading Niki Burnham's Spin Control for the nth time. I've only been home for four days and I've finished four books in that short span of time. Boredom pretty much prompted me to act like the total geek that I am.

The last four books that I've read are: Seventh Heaven by Meg Cabot, Haunted by Meg Cabot, Royally Jacked by Niki Burnham and it's sequel, Spin Cotrol. I'm a fairly wide reader (although you're NEVER gonna get me to read Umberto Eco, JRR Tolkien, and their ilk) so I don't mind reading teen-ish stuff from time to time which whould explain the choice of books that I've made for the past few days.

I am a huge Meg Cabot fan. Her stories and her characters are downright funny and her writing is exceptionally witty which is why I still read her stuff even if they're not exactly meant for eighteen year old college students like myself. I can't help the fact that I'm still a kid at heart. I tried reading Ms. Cabot's Every Boy's Got One and She Went All the Way (which, I suppose, are more appropriate for people my age) but I didn't like them as much as I did The Princess Diaries Series, The Mediator Series, and All-American Girl. Just in case you're not familliar with Meg Cabot's works, let me clue you in a little. The Princess Diaries is about a typical high school freshman named Mia Thermopolis who later finds out that she is the sole heir to the throne of a small European principality called Genovia. The movie version was based on this series. Although they did change a lot of things in the movie. Mia's father didn't die in the books. He got testicular cancer which rendered him sterile which was why Mia, his illegitimate child, became his sole heir. The Mediator Series is about Sussanah Simon aka Suze. Suze is also your average American teenager. Except for one teeny little difference: she can see and speak to ghosts. It's her life's mission to lead lost souls to where they're supposed to go. All American Girl is about Samantha Madison who ends up saving the president of the USA from an assassination attempt. Her lifepretty much goes crazy after that. All in all, fun reads.

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Ok, I took a little break there. Remember those four books that I told you about? Make it five. I just finished Erich Segal's Love Story. It's nothing to rave about, really, but it was ok. It's pretty sad because someone dies in the end. It's quite funny though. The main characters, Jenny Cavilleri and Oliver Barrett IV fall in love with each other but they're not your everyday average mushy gushy couples. This is just an example of how they talk to each other:

Oliver: "Listen, you snotty Radcliffe bitch, Friday night is the Dartmouth hockey game.'

Jenny: 'So?'

Oliver: 'So I'd like you to come.'

Jenny: ' Why the hell should I come to a lousy hockey game?'

Oliver: 'Because I'm playing.'

Cool right? Here's another excerpt from the book. They were studying in Oliver's dorm room when this conversation took place between them.

Jenny: "Oliver, you're gonna flunk out if you just sit there watching me study."

Oliver: "I'm not watching you study. I'm studying."

Jenny: "Bullshit. You're looking at my legs."

Oliver: "Only once in a while. Once every chapter."

Jenny: "That book has extremely short chapters."

Oliver: "Listen, you narcissistic bitch, you're not that great looking."

Jenny: "I know. But can I help it if you think so?"

Oliver: "Jenny, for Christ's sake, how can I read John Stuart Mill when every single second I'm dying to make love to you?"

Ok, I'll stop there. I've spoiled the story enough for you. Anyways, it's an ok book. If you have nothing better to do, I think it's worth a look.

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I took a really long nap this afternoon. There's nothing better to do around here. After having lived in Manila for the past two years or so, life here in the province seems fairly tame. Not necessarily less fun. Just quieter. So I spent the afternoon sleeping. I had a really strange dream, too. When I woke up, I told Tita Auda about it 'cause she's really good at interpreting dreams and stuff. She has a Psychology degree from UP, just so you know. So she told me what my dream could possibly mean. And I was flabbergasted. She was absolutely right. It's so unfair. How can he still affect me like this when I have no effect on him whatsoever anymore. Grr. Whatever. I told my aunt how frustrating it is. She understands, of course. Which is why I love going to her for advice.She's a great listener. And she gives kick ass advice.

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Jorge Solis' flawless record is now marred by one loss through knock out thanks to Manny Pacquiao. I wasn't at all surprised. There is a very good reason why Filipinos and boxing fans the world over put him in high esteem. The guy is awesome. Great job, Pacman. Thanks for doing us proud all over again. You rock.

Randomnation PART II.

I'm at the library's computer nook. I'm supposed to be working on my final paper for RELSTRI which tackles the moral implications of suicide and whether or not it is morally justifiable to take one's own life. Well, it will once I get around to writing it anyways. I just don't feel like starting it yet. My creative juices are very picky and generally choose to flow only when the deadline is really, really close. This paper is due tomorrow at noon. I'll probably start writing it tonight. That's another thing about me: I find it hard to study or get any work done while the sun is still up. I am easily distracted during daylight.

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I just got back at the dorm today. I still have more packing to do. My dorm has this very weird policy about putting all your stuff in storage during vacation months (I should probably do away with the S because LaSallians only get a month of summer vacation).

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I have been thinking a lot about law schools lately. I am seriously considering taking up law after I earn my undergraduate degree but it's not an easy decision to make because it means that I will have to study for another four years when I could be working instead. But it's good to start looking at my options if ever I fully decide to become a lawyer. My first choice is the UP Law school. I should get decent grades to get in there, of course. Plus I hvae to do well on the entrance exams. Around 5,000 people take the entrance exam for UP's Law School every year but only 500 get admitted. My second choice is the Ateneo Law School. Steeper tution but good results nonetheless. The third is San Beda. I am also considering the University of the Cordilleras in Baguio City. They've managed to produce two bar topnotchers in the past nine years. I realize, of, course, that topping the bar exam should be hugely credited to the individual who did it but the school, of course, plays a big role because, duh, that's where they all learned it from. We'll see. I have two more years to decide.

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I spent the weekend in Sagada with some of my aunts, uncles, and cousins. It's in the Mountain Province, just in case you didn't know. It is a very beautiful place. I looks a lot like Baguio, actually. Only less industrialized so it's not as polluted. It's a very long drive. It's eight hours away from San Jose City, Nueve Ecija (where I grew up). So it's about twelve hours aways from Manila. You also have to drive through 39 kilometers of VERY rough road to get there. Just imagine the torture that your hiney will have to endure. But the trip is well worth it. Sagada is a breath of fresh air (both literally and figuratively) to a girl like me who has inhaled nothing but disgusting air since she moved to Manila around two years ago. If you're looking for solitude, Sagada is definitely the place to go. (More about this trip next time.)

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I have to enlarge two more photos for my final FOTOCAM portfolio. I'll do it tomorrow.

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I got my EAF today. Next term's tuition isn't as expensive as this term's. Thank God.

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There were two people talking in Spanish here. I guess they're ISE majors like myself since we get to pick either French or Spanish for our foreign language. I can't wait to take ELEMFRE next, next term.

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I'm an incoming junior. My goodness, I'm getting old.

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I'm sleepy. Again. I wonder if I'm narcoleptic of something. Hmm.

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Did you know that one person commits suicide every 17 minutes.

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I guess I really must be losing weight. My aunts commented on it when I went home. Some of my high school buddies mentioned it. Jose and Trixia noticed it at school today. To which I can only say one thing: YESSSSS!

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That's all for now.

Randomnation..

I love my new chucks. It's a light blue pair that has blue, yellow, red, and orange flowers. May I just say that my mother has excellent taste in shoes. She picked them out for me cause I told her that designs of printed chucks here are very limited. I have a total of two pairs of chucks now.Yey! I think I want to start collecting them.

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I'm going home to San Jose tomorrow. I'm really excited cause I'm gonna get to see most of my high school friends. We have A LOT of catching up to do.

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Today was our last meeting for INTPHIL (Philosophy). The prof gave me a 2.5 as a final grade. Not bad but not good either.

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Today was also our last meeting for BIOARTS (Biology for Liberal Arts students). We had our final exam today. Which I forgot to study for. Ok, not really forgot butsort of neglected to study for. Before you start clucking your tongue and saying how irresposible I am, let me just say that it was the type of exam that didn't require any hard core studying. Besides, I listen in class so it's not like I don't know anything. I'm gonna miss my bioarts class even if most of my classmates are very rowdy during class time. One of my classmates is Iya Villania. She sat beside me in class once and we talked about feminine wash, of all things. She's pretty nice.

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I'm so sleepy.

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I'm almost done with all of my subjects this term. I just have to submit my final paper for RELSTRI (Christian Morality) on the 12th and my final portfolio for FOTOCAM (Photography for Comm.Arts students) on the 13th and I'm FREEEEE.

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I will officially be an IS major next term. I can't wait. Goodbye, Comm.Arts.

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I just felt like blogging about random stuff because I can't seem to organize my thoughts. They're shooting off in different directions in my head.

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More next time.

EFF YOU..

I hate you.
I wish I never met you.
I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

I effing hate you.

The Photo Essay..

M206.

FOTOCAM.

Ms. Saulo asked each of us to tell the her the concept of our photo essay which is our final project for her class. I didn't want to say mine out loud because I knew how my friends were going to react. It was hilarious. Haha.

My photo essay is about a person whose heart has been broken because her significant other broke up with her. She deals with her heartache by going to the places that she and her ex beau used to visit. These are beautiful locations that once symbolized something special for her but are now just sad reminders of past happiness.

If you know me well, this might sound familliar to you.

Well the prof did tell us to pick something that was close to our hearts.

I just did that.

I have a pretty vague idea as to how I'm going to execute it though.

Hmmm.

Song of the Moment

"How've you been?"

A lot of people have been asking me this lately. I don't know why. I guess I look like someone who doesn't have a very positive answer to this question. Although, when asked, I usually just shrug my shoulders and say that I'm ok. Which is waaaay far from what I am. Cause I am not at all ok. Not even close. It bothers me that I am having hard time achieving closure when it's been, in fact, more than two months since he broke up with me. But that's exactly what's happening. He's still my first thought in the morning and my last at night. I shouldn't, I know, torture myself by replaying everything that we went through together in my head. But I can't help it. I can't help but wonder what I did wrong. I can't help but wonder what's wrong with me. Am I just not worth fighting for? I hate it, really. I wish I would wake up with permanent amnesia and forget that anything happened at all. Yeah, right. Like it could be that easy. When has life ever been fair.

You know what hurts the most? It's like he doesn't even know me anymore. He apologized for throwing the cliche "I hope we could be friends" when he ended things. We all know those things never work, right? But, guess what? I believed in him. Again. I really thought he and I could be friends. But that, apprently, isn't even possible. I'm like a stranger to him now.

I'm a good person, dammit, I don't deserve this.

I miss him so much.

So much.

So much that it hurts like hell.

But whatever.

He doesn't care anymore.

Whatever.

Behind These Hazel Eyes is my song of the moment. Check out the lyrics and figure out for yourself why.

Seems like just yesterday

You were a part of me

I used to stand so tall

I used to be so strong

Your arms around me tigh

tEverything, it felt so right

Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong

Now I can't breathe

No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything

Opened up and let you in

You made me feel alright

For once in my life

Now all that's left of me

Is what I pretend to be

So together, but so broken up inside

'Cause I can't breathe

No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out

For hating you, I blame myself

Seeing you it kills me now

No, I don't cry on the outside

Anymore...

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again

I'm torn into pieces

Can't deny it, can't pretend

Just thought you were the one

Broken up, deep inside

But you won't get to see the tears I cry

Behind these hazel eyes

I don't have hazel eyes, of course, but you get my drift.