Buhay Europa..

7:15 am ngayon dito.

Sabi sa TV, 9°C daw ang temperature ngayong umaga. Maximum na ang 14°C hanggang mamayang gabi.

Di ka pwedeng lumabas ng bahay na dalawang patong lang ang suot. Tinry ko kahapon, naiyak ako sa sobrang lamig. So bumalik ako ng bahay at nagdagdag ng dalawang patong. Di ka masyadong makakagalaw pero at least di ka naginginig sa lamig.

Masarap ang food dito. Binigyan ako ng dad ko ng 5 euros na baon kahapon. Naubos lang sa käse krainer at knabber nossi.

Ang tatangkad ng mga Austrian. Nanliliit ako. Literally. May nakasabay ako sa bus, hanggang bewang lang niya ko. Hindi pa siya naka stand upright nung lagay na yun. No kidding. Kung sa Filipino standards eh considered as abnormally short na ko for my age, pano pa kaya dito? ;p
Artistahin ang mga tao dito. Normal lang sa kanila yun, I guess. Sa atin kasi, pag matangos ka, maputi, at matangkad, more often than not, eh considered as maganda/gwapo ka diba? Halos lahat sila dito ganun.

Mejo nabobore ako pag pumapasok sa work ang parents ko at nasa school si Joshua dahil walang masayadong magawa dito sa bahay. Pwede naman ako manood ng TV pero di ko naiintindihan dahil naka dub sa German halos lahat (except CNN, BBC World at MTV). Pati spongebob squarepants (spongebob schwamkopf ang tawag sa kanya dito which means spongbob sponge head pag tinranslate at ang pangalan ni squidward eh hindi squidward kundi thaddeus..ang weird noh?).

Nakakapag German naman ako pero konti lang. As in konti. Alam ko mag greet ng tao (Grüß gott!); alam ko bumili ng pagkain, alam ko ipakilala sarili ko; alam ko din kung pano sabihing "laging mabilis magturo ang Math teacher ko kaya hindi ko naiintindihan yung lesson".

Madaming Pinoy dito. Kahit san naman madami talaga tayo diba? So hindi na ko masyadong na hohome sick. Eto siguro ang first time na nagpunta ko sa Europe na hindi ako na homesick.

Masaya dito. Di lang dahil malamig, masarap ang food, at nakaktuwang tignan ang mga tao. Masaya dito dahil nandito ang family ko. Sa inyo siguro normal lang na gumising sa umaga at makita ang buong family niyo bago sila pumasok sa work o sa school. Sakin bihira mangyari yun. Paminsan minsan ko lang din naihahatid sa school ang kapatid ko. Kahit di na niya kailangan dahil malaki na siya, gusto ko pa din gawin kasi parang bonding time na din namin yun. Ayoko na bumalik ng Pilipinas. Kung pwede lang eh bakit hindi diba? Kaso bayad na tuition fee ko. Haha. Sayang naman diba? Tsaka one year na lang titiisin ko bago ko magstay dito for good. Konti na lang yun.

For now, enjoy na lang muna ng vacation. I hope you're having a good one, too.

It's a good thing I was wrong..

I can't waste time by moping around anymore. Misery sucks so, from now on, I'll just concentrate on the things that make me happy.

The Austrian Embassy finally decided to grant me my visa so I'm leaving on Monday at 12:20 a.m. I am so looking forward to this trip because I miss my family so much. I haven't seen my mom and my brother for two years and my dad for four months. Another reason why I'm psyched about this trip is that my parents promised to take me to Italy, Hungary, and Germany this year. If we have time, I might get to see France and Greece as well. As a European Studies major, I'm really interested in visiting the places that we've been discussing inside the classroom plus I really love to travel plus plus it's cold there. Right now, I'm so busy shopping for pasalubong, making last minute arrangements, organizing my luggage (it's the O.C in me, I can't help it), blahblahblah that I barely have time for much else (I just took a break to check my mail and got sidetracked by my blog and stepheniemeyer.com).

My braces have finally been taken off (after four years). I'm not really too happy about this because I like my braces but I just felt like sharing the info. Hehe.

My third term grades are also a cause of happiness for me right now because they are much better than I expected. I'm quite happy with my grades. (word of advice: as much as possible, don't break up with anyone on finals week because it will drive you nuts. Take my word for it.).

I thought this was going to be a really awful summer. It turns out I was wrong. Thank God for that.

Break-up Notes

Break ups are never easy. No matter how many times I try to delude myself into thinking that I’m glad that it’s over, it never works. I can’t help but feel bad about it (as any normal person should, I guess). I’m trying my best to act all normal and happy. Most of the time, it works. But there are moments all throughout the day when I just stop in the middle of whatever I’m doing (be it homework, chores, walking down the street, reporting in front of the whole class, and other stuff like that) and try to suppress the hollow feeling inside my chest. I wake up in the morning hoping to feel better and then I remember that sickening empty feeling again and my day goes off to a bad start. And then there are the memories. You know when you see a particular object or walk past a particular place and it just strongly reminds you of that particular person? Yeah, I have that right now. It seems silly for my eyes to well up at the sight of a Batangas Star Express bus, but they do. I’m a very emotional person and the smallest things could trigger my tear ducts. Which is stupid, I know, but I can’t help it. That’s just the way I am. I easily get attached to people so when the time to let go comes, I find it very hard to say goodbye. This most recent heartache is the least of my problems, really, but it’s the one that bugs me the most. I’m facing so many more pressing problems right now and I just want to let go of the grief. I’m so tired of crying and feeling bad already. It’s just got to stop.

Being the moody person that I am, I can swing from pessimism to optimism in the drop of the hat. Either I’m completely losing it (again) or I’ve developed a mild case of bipolar disorder. I suppose there is a bright side to all this. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? I certainly hope so.

I can't stop listening to this song. I'm addicted.

Forget About Me (Lil Bit)

You said, it wasn't gonna be like it was before.
Then it happened again.
Pushing me back out the door.
Thought it would be for real this time.
Love made me forget about the signs.
So now what do i do?
Now that I know that we're through.

Refrain:
Wish that I could move on
Can't let go, it's too strong
Just like that and then you're gone
If this how you want it to be?
Everything you had to say
Sent the tears right down my face
Now I'm trying to escape
The misery

Chorus:
Why don't you love me?
The way I'd loved you
It feels so crazy
'Coz I don't know what I did to you
If you're gonna hurt me
Then do it quickly
'Coz I'm tired of cryin'
If you don't wanna stick around
Then, baby forget about me.

Too late, sorry.
I didn't have the chance
You said you were happy
Baby, I don't understand
Gave you everything you asked for
And was ready to give you a lot more
I would've given you the world
Right in the palm of your hand.

Refrain

Chorus

Boy, my heart was true
And that you can't deny
Don't be a fool
And walk away from all the lies
It's up to you
'Coz heaven knows I've tried
Tell me you're still in love.

Chorus

Forget about me
I really love you.

BREAKDOWN

"You look like crap.."

That was how one of my friends greeted me when I walked into class yesterday. It's not exactly something that one wants to hear often but that's what I like about friends: they're tactlessly honest. And they're very much concerned with you mental state/well-being so her next line was:

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

That's another thing about good friends. They can tell when something's bugging you. Although I said thanks but no thanks to her, I appreciate the gesture. Everyone's been on my back about this. Apparently, they're not used to me being unnaturally quiet and staring off into space whenever I get the chance. It's not like i'm doing it on purpose. I just have a lot on my mind right now. And they're things beyond the realm of my comprehension so I'm especially confused and frustrated. My preoccupation is centered around one person in particular and it doesn't take a genius to figure out who I'm talking about.

It's just that...I was (actually still am) under the impression that when you are important to someone, that person makes effort to make sure that you're ok, see how you're doing, and stuff like that. A person who truly loves you is sensitive to your feelings. When he knows that you are the kind of person who worries a lot, he makes constant reassurances that everything's alright, that he's safe whereveer he is, and so on. A person who loves you would not consciously hurt your feelings. A person who genuinely cares about you will find ways to communicate with you even under near impossible circumstances. It's what I'd do anyways. And I'm under the impression that that's the way things ought to be. I didn't get that wrong did I?

That's another thing...All these has led me to wonder if I'm doing something wrong. Am I starting to bug him with my constant text messaging and calls? It's just that communication is one of the most vital components of a long distance relationship. We only get to see each other, like, once a month, shouldn't we compensate for our not being together by at least updating each other about the things that are happening to us or something like that? I know what I'm talking about, I swear. I'm not exactly a neophtye in long distance relationships, am I?

I'm just so frustrated. I mean, how would you feel if your boyfriend only texts you like once-thrice a day? Not good, that's for sure. How would you feel if your boyfriend didn't take your calls? Because, according to him, he doesn't have his phone with him. How do you even interpret the fact that he hasn't had his phone with him for, like, two days now? When he very well knows that you are going apeshit with worry. Apeshit doesn't even begin to cover what I'm feeling right now.

I'm worried and I'm scared. I feel like I'm not important to him anymore. I feel like crap. I feel like he's always finding excuses not to talk to me. I wish he'd tell me if he had some sort of problem or whatever. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I'm so effing tired of being patient. I'm so sick of having to check my phone every so often only to find out that, no, he can't spare me five minutes of his precious time. My stomach feels like it's hollow and I feel like there's something heavy pressing down on my chest. I can't breathe properly even I'm not having an asthma attack. I'm tired of crying when I don't even know what's there to cry about. I'm just not emotionally equipped to handle something like this.

Someone sent me a quote a long time ago, I don't even remember who but a part of it goes like this: "..one of the most painful things is having to doubt something that you thought you were so sure of.." or something to that effect. If he really loves me, then why is he taking me for granted? If he really cares about me then why is he treating me like this?

I'm so effing lost.

Musings..

December 1, 2007: Bugoy asked me to be his girlfriend. You all know I said yes. Fast forward to three months later and here we are, still together. And still very much in love. I know I am. And I can say with a fair amount of confidence that he is, too. We all know this hackneyed expression, say it with me, "time flies...". It really does, doesn't it? A year ago I was a miserable wreck who wished for nothing but to have my life taken away from me because I was experiencing an unbearabel kind of pain. But here I am now, perfectly content and happy and looking forward to waking up every day not knowing what to expect but very much ok with it because I have Bugoy. Of course, our relationship is not perfect. Far from it, actually but that's normal. We have our ups and downs like your everyday average couple. But the way I feel about him is far from average. Sometimes, I worry that I'm showing too much emotion and I'm scared that it might freak him out but he's been very patient with me so far. I've had to do a lot of thinking lately and I've come to the realization that he's the one I want. No one else but him. There's no doubt about that now. Despite the fact that I've shed quite a lot of tears (not a big deal I guess 'cause I'm such an effing cry baby), I'm happy. I'm genuinely happy and it feels good. I owe a lot of it to Bugoy. He makes me feel good about myself. He makes me feel loved and wanted. He makes me laugh. He brings out the mature person in me. He makes me want to be a better person. I just hope he's as happy as I am.

Listen to me (or read me, whatever), I'm being keso. Haha. Sorry, it's just nice to be able to talk about what I'm feeling. It makes me feel less burdened by my thoughts, I guess..

Anways, here's wishing my baby Bugoy an advance happy 3rd monthsary and may we have many, many, many, many, many more monthsaries to come...

I love you, bee.. ;)

Cheeseburger in a Can...

I kid you not..

Here's the link for the site if you wanna find out more: http://gizmodo.com/350091/cheeseburger-in-a-can-is-both-the-best-and-worst-thing-ive-ever-seen/?noc=true
The author of the site is right, the idea of a canned cheeseburger is both appaling ang amazing. It's more of the former for me because I stay at a dorm where cooking is not allowed so my roommates and I are subsisting on canned food. The thought of a cheeseburger in a can gives me goosebumps.

=====

I miss Bugoy so much. He's been sick for the past few days so we haven't been texting much. Can't really blame him. I wouldn't be able to text if i were in that condition as well. It's times like this, more than ever, that I wish Batangas wasn't so far away so I could go visit him. You have no idea how frustrating it is.

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Midterms na.

Aaaaargh.

Cheesecake PART II

This song used to make me cringe. But now that I can relate, I really really like it. I know it's cheesy and all that but i think it's kinda sweet:

di ko maintindihan ang nilalaman ng puso

tuwing magkahawak ang ating kamay

pinapanalangin lagi tayong magkasama

hinihiling bawat oras kapiling ka

sa lahat ng aking gingawa

ikaw lamang ang nasa isip ko sinta

sana'y di na tayo magkahiwalay

kahit kailan pa man

ikaw lamang ang aking minamahal

ikaw lamang ang tangi kong inaasam

makapiling ka habang buhay

ikaw lamang sinta

wala na akong hihingin pa

wala na

ayoko nang maulit paang nakaraang ayaw nang maalala

bawat oras na wala ka parang mabigat na parusa

at huwag mong kakalimutan na kahit nag iba di ako tumigil magmahal sa'yo sinta

sa lahat ng aking gingawa ikaw lamang ang nasa isip ko sinta

sana'y di na tayo magkahiwalay kahit kailan pa man

ikaw lamang ang aking minamahal

ikaw lamang ang tangi kong inaasam

makapiling ka habang buhay

ikaw lamang sinta

wala na akong hihingin pa

wala na......

Wheee. Nababaduyan ka noh? Like I said, I don't care. Haha. It's a free country, dude, I can post whatever I want. It's my blog after all. Haha.

Ehem...

I love you Bugoy. ^^,