Craptastic

I really don't know what's gonna happen next. I am only twenty years old but I have long learned that life's twists and turns are not something that could easily be figured out. So I just sit and wait. It's boring and it's driving me crazy but what else is there to do anyway? Schoolwork can't really distract me now that things are about to come to a close. Nothing is substantial enough to claim my attention for longer than a few fleeting minutes. So I sit and I wait and I think. Sometimes I think too much. And the thinking drives me crazy. I want to just go with the flow. But things could never be that easy. I feel like time is passing so slowly yet at the same time I feel like I'm running out of time. So much has been happening. It's all so confusing. When we were kids, we relied on grown-ups to tell us what to do. When we started growing up and developing minds of our own, we started resenting them for it. But now, wouldn't it be nice if someone could just tell me, step by step what I'm supposed to be doing to get my life back on the right track? I am so lost. I hardly know what I'm doing these days. I feel like a completely different person. Sometimes I wish I could be fifteen years younger. I just wanna be a kid again. Everything used to be so easy. But now, 'easy' is a luxury. I seem to run into speed bump after speed bump of disappointments. I know I'm nothing special. I'm just your everyday, average girl with everyday, average dreams. I just want to be happy. But happiness is an elusive little thing. I can never seem to catch it. I try to stay optimistic but the world just keeps pushing me down. I'm getting tired of it, really. It's exhausting to pretend that everything's ok when on the inside, I feel like my soul is dying.