Blah..blah..blah..

Two days. Galeng, grabeh. Kaya niya yun. Ako hindi ko kaya. Pero kinakaya. I don't want him to think that I miss him. Kahit totoo. Ewan. Pride. Hay nako, di nakakain yan. Basta. Bahala siya sa buhay niya. I'm not about to make the first move. Maghintayan na lang kami hanggang mabulok kami pareho.

I've been really busy. School has just been crazy recently. And it's gonna remain that way for a while because finals week is just around the corner.

I had a pretty good week.

Monday: Classes were cancelled. Yay.

Tuesday: Classes were cancelled again. Double yay. Went to SM Mall of Asia with Sheila and Raizza. After that, went to Power Plant with Raizza, Trixie, and Ate Camille.

Wednesday: Had dinner with old roomates, Ate Karrina and Trixia.

Thursday: La lang.

Friday: While the rest of the Philippines was gyrating to the sounds of the PCD, I was at the Yuchengco Auditorium, watching the Chamber Ensemble recital for my and Jackie's article. Got back at the dorm around 9.30. Went to Paranaque with Sheila and Ate Princess to pick up Raizza at her classmate's house. After that, with Sue this time, went to Baclaran church. Then we went to the Starbucks in Harbor Square where we stayed 'til 1.30am (ish) and where my diet was practically ruined by a sausage roll and a grande chocolate cream frapuccino. After that, we went for a drive around Malate. Saw a lot of strange people. Got back at the dorm at around 2am.

Saturday: GMG Basic Photography Workshop from 9-5.

That's it really. Got a ton of homework, too.

Promises are made to be broken..

I just don't get why people have to be so hostile while it's much better to be nice to others. Like, just a few moments ago, some lady was complaining to the internet shop keeper about some E-load discrepancy. The way she was going on, you'd think the poor guy did her a great personal wrong (something along the lines of murder, extortion, that kind of thing). Why did she have to be so mean? She could've asked nicely, right? It's such a hassle to be so bad tempered. Not only do you make the people around you nervous/uncomfortable but you're just giving yourself an unnecessary headache. Based on my experience, kindness reaps more rewards.

He promised. I hope he pushes through with it. I'd be kind of hurt if he didn't.

Kolehiyala blues..

Whoever said that college is no picnic wasn't kidding.

I have to:

1. Submit my RELSTWO church invlovement folder tommorrow. Haven't even finished the journal part.

2. Submit my paper for Chronicle of a Death Foretold on friday. Haven't even started yet.

3. Submit a five page paper about the sacrament of reconciliation for RELSTWO next tuesday. Ditto.

4. Submit a music video/flash presentation with my groupmates for FILIPI2 next Friday. Ditto.

5. Submit a video interview of a WW2 OR 1st quarter storm survivor for KASPIL2 who knows when. Can't find a videocam that uses v8 (why, oh WHYYYYYYYY couldn't he just let us use a dv??).

blah..blah..blah..

I'm supposed to be doing homework but I'm doing this instead. That's because I need a break. If I don't pause even for just a bit, I might get information overload or something like that.

Me and the world are at an odds..

The forces of the universe are, once again, conspiring to make me go cuckoo. Just when I am practically unavailable, oppurtunities to bond with my former crushes present themselves. Like, for example, after ten years (not really, but you get the drift), someone finally introduces me to Paolo. And, just this week, my other crush has asked me several times if we can do our homework together (geeky, I know, but still). Of course, he and I are just friends (that's crystal clear to me) but it's kinda, for lack of a better term, nice to hang out with him. He's very easy to talk to and he's funny and all that. And to cap it all off, I saw Ron this morning. I was on my way to the Miguel clock when our paths literally crossed. Talk about a morning pick-me-up. That totally snapped me out of my stupor. Why?? Why me?? Why now??

I am convinced that the world is out to loosen the already precarious screws in my head. I hope I can cling to the tiny scraps of sanity left in me. I have, after all, my whole life ahead of me.

"No one else comes close..

To you..

No one makes me feel the way you do..

You're so special boy (hehe) to me..

And you'll always be eternally.."

I am still being plagued by extreme cheesiness. I am in the internet cafe near the dorm and "No One Else Comes Close" is playing in the background. As mushy as it is, I actually like this song. It was my and my first boyfriend's "song", if you know what I mean. Gross-ish, I know but I was fourteen years old, cut me some slack, will you? Even if my first ex and I are waaaaaaaaayyy over, I still couldn't bring myself to hate that song. Actually, it's pretty applicable right now but with an entirely different guy.

Nyak, I have HW. I almost forgot.

Dahil ikaw..Ikaw ang dahilan..

I have so much pent up energy. I woke up this morning feeling like running all over the place. So, to pacify myself, I did crunches. Unsatisfied, I then proceeded to do push-ups. After that, still compelled to move, I ran around the dorm room. Then I did jumping jacks just for the sake of doing them. Talk about hyperactive. I don't know what's come over me. I am so ready to do this. Next week, I am going to start an even more rigid weight loss regimen. If I don't lose weight by September, ewan ko na lang. Look out, world, I'm gonna knock your socks off. To start off, I'm going to go shopping for gym stuff. haha.

There are so many things that I want to do but I don't have time to go and do them. I wanna learn how to play the drums. I want to take up French, Spanish, Japanese, Korean, and improve my German. I want to go sky diving and bungee jumping. I want to take Photoshop lessons. I want to go book shopping. I want to try out for Candy's Council of Cool. I wanna do boxing and kickboxing and Ultimate Frisbee and table tennis, even basketball. I want to practice driving. I want to get my license. I want to watch a movie. I want..I want..I want. This is a checklist, see? One of these days, I will have accomplished everything in it. Or so I hope. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I keep wondering what the hell I got myself into. I can't even begin to fathom the depths of the innate stupidity which drove me to my actions. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, I am such a pushover.

Darn.

Feeling better and better..

The past six days have been a whirlwind of mixed emotions. I can't begin to express just how glad I am that I'm finally starting to calm down from all the excitement. I'm still happy, thank God, but the anxiety is winding down. Whoopdeedoo for me.

I told Carlo about my worries and he gave me some pretty kick-ass advice. Thanks, Christian Achiever (kahit di mo 'to mababasa..hehe). Seriously, who would have thought that he and I would become friends. After our block's relentless teasing last and last last term, I thought I'd never have the guts to face him again. But, yey, we're friends now. Kind of close ones, even. We just laugh off our block's ridiculous idea that he and I are an item. As showbiz as this may sound, he and I are really just friends. I'll always be "Trivia Master" to him and he'll always be "Christian Achiever aka Pacquiao the 2nd" to me.

I'll be sleeping alone in our dorm room tonight. All of my roomates went home. I'm kinda scared because, well, I am a scaredy kat..hehe. Yak, ang corny ko talaga. It is pretty scary though. Hayy. How I wish I can go home..to Austria..If I had that much money right now, I'd buy a plane ticket and fly off. But, of course, I can't. First of all because I don't have that much money on me and second because I'll miss someone here. A lot of someones actually but mostly this one person whose name starts with the tenth letter in the alphabet. Besides, I can't miss classes. The final exams are almost upon us again. My goodness, ang bilis.

Nyah. I gotta go back the dorm.

It should be illegal to miss someone this much..

This is a travesty. I was editing my blogspot profile and, when it came to listing my favorite books, the space allotted was only 600 characters!!! Puh-leeze. I have read more than a hundred books and have liked most of them. 600 characters are so not sufficient. But whatever. It's not like a lot of people read this anyways. I only told a few people (friends&blockmates mostly) that I keep this blog. I certainly can't tell my parents, aunts, uncles, ninongs, ninangs that I have this because, knowing them, they're gonna want to read it and, since it contains incriminating information, I can't let that happen. If my parents find out about him, I am toast with a capital T. It would be "goodbye, motherland" for me.

Terminally Insane..

I am going out of my mind with paranoia.

Everyone I asked about my little situation all said the same thing. Wow. Thanks, Trixia, Char, Anna, and Wina. You've put things into perspective for me. Well, kind of. At least I have some ideas as to how I'm supposed to deal with this. I've never had to cope with this kind of thing before and, to be honest, I need all the help I can get. This is very emotionally exhausting. What with school and all. It's just that I can't stop thinking about him. I am so distracted. I wouldn't mind if he was paying the exact same attention to me but I think he may be getting bored with me or something. Am I nuts or what? It's just that I haven't felt like this in a while. I am happy yet I am sad at the same time. I don't want to feel like this. I want to enjoy life. I want to be carefree. But I also want to keep him. How do I do that? I don't know.

Someone just kill me and put me out of my misery.

BLAH...

I am now the proud owner of a Sigma SD9. Yeah, baby!! It's the very first digital camera to utilize X3 sensor technology. I have no idea what that means but it sounds complicated so I like it. I am so excited. I'd bring it to school today if it weren't raining but it is so..Some other time. Of course I'm still drooling after a Nikon D70 but, hey, beggars can't be choosers. Besides, a DSLR is a DLSR. I ain't complaining. Thanks Mutti and Vati!!!

I was up at the crack of dawn. 7am actually but whatever. I haven't been getting much sleep lately. I'm quite restless. But in a good way. I think.

It isn't even noon yet but I've already made a considerable dent in my wallet. I'm 300 bucks poorer because I had to go to Makati today to meet up with my ninang. My parents sent me my DLSR (i love saying it: MY DSLR..hehe..) through her and we met up at the Austrian Embassy so she could give it to me. Since I didn't feel like being trampled at the LRT and MRT, I decided to take a cab. So there. I don't mind though. I like spending for stuff that makes me happy. I've been told (more times than I can count) that I am an impulsive buyer/spender. When I like something, I buy it. I won't rest until I do anyways so I might as well go ahead and splurge. Call me materialistic but nothing can change that. I've been spoiled rotten. haha. My parents compensate for their physical absence by buying me practically whatever I want. I'm not a brat, though. I still know when to draw the line.

I'm uploading friendster pics for my brother. The kid is growing up. He's taller than me now. tsk. Can't even bully him anymore. Kidding. I love my little bro. Our favorite pastime is wrestling. I usually win but, once in a while, I let him. I think he has a grilfriend now. Her name is Katie and she is British. I think he's a little young to be having a girlfriend. He's only thirteen for crying out loud. How old was I when I had my first boyfriend? Fourteen. That's a whole year older!!! hehe. I'm being over protective aren't I? He's my only sibling, it's quite understandable I suppose. I might not be expressive but I love that little critter to bits. I'm saving up for a PSP. He badly wants one. He was supposed to get one last last month but my parents took one look at his cellphone bill and *poof* it became coco crunch. Goodbye, PSP. Hello, grounded-ness (?). But he really, really wants one. I made him promise me before I went back to the Philippines that he'll behave himself, help out with the chores at home, blah. blah. blah. If he does, I'll buy him a PSP when I return next summer. I don't think he believed me but I love surprising people and, boy, would he be surprised.

Uh-oh. I lost track of time. I'd better go.

De-Cluttering..Again..

This is a continuation of yesterday's post. A lot has happened during the last 24 or so hours.

The CLA convocation won't push through tomorrow. So much for my first coverage job. Ah, well. We have loads of other productions this term. I'll have plenty of other oppurtunities to accumulate prods for my invovlement sheet. At least I enjoyed hanging out at the GMG tambayan yesterday. I was reading Chronicle of a Death Foretold while Chuckie and Eric were reciting lines from The Craft. I almost keeled over from laughing. I may have abs now (I wish). Jose was trying to sell us a Benz (sure, I just happen to have some spare change here, I'll buy the car). Benjie was doing his INTRECO homework. I interviewed him a little bit.

ME: What are you doing?
HIM: INTRECO homework.
ME: Ah.
HIM: Second year ka din diba?
ME: Yup. You?
HIM: Oo.
ME: What's your course?
HIM: PHM
ME: Cool. Philippine Mass Media, right?
HIM: Yup.
ME: So what's the difference between PHM and Comm.Arts?
HIM: Your course is more technical. PHM is concentrated on writing. And, of course, it's in Filipino.
ME: That's cool. Pero diba konti lang kayo sa course nio? I mean, because it's new and all.
HIM: Oo. Karamihan ng PHM students shiftees from CBE.

Something like that anyways.

Moving on.

A lot of people reacted to my post yesterday. About me being in love and all. Well, I am. I so am. I just won't tell them who the mystery guy is. Let them keep guessing. (insert evil laugh here). It's a little hard to explain but I will in my own sweet time. Our situation is a little hard to get used to. I'll start giving out details when I'm more accustomed to it. I promise. I'm sorry if I've left any of you hanging on the edge of your seats. For the meantime, let me tell you, my beloved friends, that his name is Jarren and he is the reason why I can't stop smiling. I'll probabaly get laugh lines now. But I don't care. Trixia, hindi na ko full load!!! Three units na lang. And I plan to keep it that way. I also have a bad case of the mushies. I've been playing the same song on my iPod since yesterday.

De-Cluttering..

My mind is full of junk. Which is why it needs a good spring cleaning. Even if it isn't spring.

First things first. I am in love. Yeah, I am. I am ridiculously happy right now. I have been for the past 48 hours. Our situation is a little different from what I'm normally used to but I don't give a flying rat's ass. I'm happy. The only downside to this is that I miss him the moment we lose contact. It's hard because I can't stop thinking about him. I can't concentrate in classes. I can't sleep (my body clock is way messed up right now). I can't think straight. I can't even eat properly. Dammit, how can a boy affect me like this? I know: if that boy is HIM. Sheesh. But, hey, I can live with all that as long as I'm with him. Ugh, ang cheesy ko. Ah, well.

I have my first coverage assignment for GMG on Wednesday. I didn't plan on volunteering but Benjie (the covergae poolhead) made it hard for me to refuse. I mean, he asked really nicely and all. So I'm covering the CLA convocation at the Theresea Yuchenco Auditorium on Wednesday (U-Break) with Raphael.

Uh-oh. Something came up. I'll continue this some other time.

I am guilty of stupidity..

If it were a crime, I'd be behind bars right now. Technically, I can't go to jail yet because I'm a few months shy of my eighteenth birthday but whatever.

Anyways, despite the lack of activity in the area between my ears, I had a pretty good day. GMG had a prod and I signed up as a PA so I was quite busy the whole afternoon. PA-ing is fun. It involves a lot of running around which is good exercise. Am I making any sense? No? Didn't think so.

Excuse me while I bang my head against the wall.

Bittersweet Paradox..

Why bittersweet?
Because that's what my life is like.

Why paradox?
Ever since I read my crush's valedictory speech, the word paradox has stuck to my mind like a burr under a horse's tail. It's just a fancier word for contradiction and absurdity. I like it because it sounds good.

So how are they connected to each other?
They're not. I just like the way bittersweet paradox rolls off my tongue.

No classes today.

CLASSES ARE SUSPENDED. Those are the three little words that caused a tremendous kerfuffle at the Gen Ed. building yesterday. I was in our LITERA2 classroom when Mang Jack (I'm willing to bet) came on the loudspeaker and said the words that any college student would be ecstatic to hear.

CLASSES ARE SUSPENDED TOMORROW. I want to believe this. Someone please tell me that it's true.

Here's hoping that, for the first time in my life, I would be able to maintain a blog.