Ich vermisse ihn..

SONG of the MOMENT:

Rihanna's "S.O.S" (part of it, anyway)

...S.O.S please someone help me.

it's not healthy for me to feel this

Y O U are making this hard,

I can't take it see it don't feel right.

S.O.S please someone help me,

it's not healthy for me to feel this

Y O U are making this hard,

You got me tossing turning

can't sleep at night..

I (and a lot of other people) have said it before: THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA. So why in the name of all that is good and holy can't I forget about him?! Oh, sure, I can, I suppose. One of these days, I will wake up and be all, "I am so not in love with him anymore." and I will actually mean it. But right now, it's just so hard not to miss him. I miss our conversastions. I miss his humor. I miss his wit. I miss the way he mispronounces certain deutsch words. I miss the way he expresses jubilation when he finally gets the pronunciation of the aforementioned deutsch words. I miss his laugh. I miss...ah, screw this, let me just put it this way: I MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM. Darn it, why did he have to be such an interesting person? And, why, oh, why did i have to be such a wuss?

To quote Rosie Dunne's sister Stepahnie: "Don't torture yourselff with questions that you don't know the answer to.." or something to that effect.

I bloody hate this.

Moving on..

It's over. I finally gathered enough guts to end it last Sunday. I feel a strange combination of relief and longing. Whatever. Enough of this.

My term break hasn't been productive so far. It's been a bit of a bummer, actually. I spent most of the weekend organizing my birthday dinner (picking the venue, going over the menu, ordering the cake, shopping for an outfit, trying to decide what my 'give-aways' should be, blah, blah, blah..) with my tita while Monday and Tuesday were spent sleeping, eating, watching tv, watching DVD's, reading, texting, and being driven crazy by one of my tita's maids who keeps blasting Aegis, Britney Spears, Westlife, and Michael Learns to Rock throughout the house. I've now got Uptown Girl stuck in my head thanks to her.

Chitchat..

There are no classes today because it's Ninoy Aquino Day.

I have no classes tomorrow because it's finals week at the De La Salle University-Manila and the only scheduled exams that I have are on Wednesday (RELSTWO, if you really must know). I have no more classes after that.

In other words, I am a free person.

I'm worry free until September 10.

Come Septmeber 11, my classmates (and fellow Comm.Arts students) and I will be starting our much dreaded sleep-depriving, brain cell-consuming, heart attack-inducing major subjects.

INTROFI, INBROAD, INTRORE (FOTOCAM for others), and INPRINT, here we come.

In the meantime, let's study for the finals and bask in our well-earned term break afterwards.

Don't Let It Go To Your Head...

I have a bad case of the LSS..This song has been playing in my head since who knows when..

So what if I came clean

And told you all you mean to me

So what if I meant every word I said

Baby don't let it go to your head

So what if I write your name

Cause you're always on my brain

In a heart, I paint it crimson red

Baby don't let it go to your head

Don't be getting any big ideas

Let me make it clear

[Chorus:]

Just cause I can't go on

Just cause I die when you're gone

Just cause I think of you in bed

Don't let it go to your head

If I looked in your eyes

One, two, too many times

And memorized every word you said

Don't let it go to your head

So what if I want to kiss

From your toes up to your lips

It don't mean that you've had me yet

You're gonna be good, I bet

I'm the one whose in control here

Let me make it clear

Just cause I can't go on

Just cause I die when you're gone

Just cause I think of you in bed

Don't let it go to your head

If I looked in your eyes

One, two, too many times

And memorized every word you said

Don't let it go to your head (2x)

I had a porcelain doll

I held on to it so tightly

But when it broke, I swore

I'd never hold on to something that tightly again

Don't let it go to your head

Oh, no (oh, no)

Just cause I can't go on

Just cause I die when you're gone

Just cause I think of you in bed

Don't let it go to your head (2x)

Just cause I can't go on

Just cause I die when you're gone

Just cause I think of you in bed

Don't let it go to your head

If I looked in your eyes (ohh)

One, two, too many times

And memorized every word you said

Don't let it go to your head (ohh)

Don't let it go to your head (ohh)

Don't let it go to your head (don't let it, don't let it)

Don't let it go to your head (ohh)

Wasted..

Today, I woke up with my very first hang over. I have never (as in NEVER) ingested alcohol before in my entire life. Until last night, that is. So, ladies and gentlemen, I am no longer an 'alcohol virgin' as one of my friends so aptly put it. Hear that? That's the hallelujah chorus in the background. Not that I have plans to turn into an alcoholic (as if) but at least my system has been 'baptized' or whatever they call it. I don't plan on drinking again any time soon though. Seriously, now that I've tried it, I don't get why a lot of people like doing it. Drinking, I mean. The stuff tastes bad, it makes your tummy all warm-ish, it makes your head pound, and it makes you go all woozy. Kind of masochistic, actually. My high school barkada will go wild when they hear of this. They have forever been after me to try drinking (.."kahit isang bottle lang".."just a glass".."half a glass".."a gulp".."a sip".."sige isang drop na lang, just try it,ok?!!"..) but i never gave in. I don't know what came over me last night. Maybe it was the knowledge that, at seventeen years old, I have never felt the touch of a beer bottle on my lips that drove me to it. Haha. Whatever.

"Kat...You mean so much to me..I just wanted to let you know that..."

It's nice to be told by someone that you mean so much to him.

"I don't know what to do without you.."

It's nice to be told that, too.

Eto pamatay:

"I love you so much..."

You know what would be even nicer?

If all of it were true..

It's so easy to hide behind words. Godness knows I do it all the time and I happen to have been victimized by words through wrong declarations in the past. But, just this once, let the words be mere manifestations of unadulterated love.

Dagnabbit, I'm turning keso again.

Direment Impediments..

Did you know that if a Catholic wanted to marry a non-Catholic Christian they have to apply for a dispensation from a bishop? The dispensation is basically permission to get married in the Catholic church. And it's a form of agreement from the Catholic party that he/she will not convert to his/her spouse's religion and a promise that they will bring up their children as Catholics.

I find it interesting, is all..

All stressed out and no one to choke..

I got that from one of my "Mates..Dates.." books. It's exactly how I feel right now. I've got so much to do that I don't know where I'm supposed to begin. How can two subjects make my life a living hell? If one of them assigns a recital and the other a panel discussion on the exact same day. That's how. Research. Research. Research.

WHY oh WHYYYYYYYYYY?!?

Bitin na bitin..

I love weekends. Seriously, why do they have to end so quickly? No more sleeping in for me. Oh, wait, my first class isn't until 11.40 tomorrow. I can sleep in. Teehee.

I spent the better part of the day lazing around. Which, for me, includes lots of sleep, a bit of reading, and some internet time. Of course, my phone practically remained glued to my hand. It's disgusting how attached I've become to it. I start hyperventilating if I'm separated from it for too long. I'm not using my other number (SUN) since I lent my other phone to my roomate. I'll be getting it back soon because I want to buy a Smart sim. Why? Because I want to have one. Plain and simple.

I just finished reading Meg Cabot's 'Every Boy's Got One'. I am sorry to say that it was a bummer. It's supposed to be a grown up-ish book but the character, Jane Harris, is like a thirty year old version of Mia Thermopolis. It was hilarious, I'll give her that but it was..predictable. I love Meg Cabot but I advise you against reading this particular book.

I am in hate..

Hate is, like, the opposite of love. Being in hate is like being in love. They are both intense feelings. The difference? The latter gives you that butterflies-in-the-stomach, mushy-gushy feeling while the former makes you want to beat the crap out of the offending party.

I hate him. I so hate him. You! Yes, you! If you're reading this, I want you to know that I hate you. You know who you are. You know why I'm seething. You know what you did. And you should bloody well know that there's no effing way in hell that I'm gonna get over this any time soon.

I shouldn't have been so stupid. It's partly my fault, really. I allowed myself to fall into your trap. I BELIEVED you. I believed every single word. How could you let me down like this? What did I ever do to you to deserve this kind of treatment? Have I ever been unkind to you? Unsupportive? Was I ever a bitch to you? Did I bore you to death? WHAT?! You could at least be the gentleman that you claim to be by doing me the courtesy of telling me.

This is so over. It is. It really, really is. He probably knows it, too. Probably doesn't care either. Most probably not affected at all.