Saturday, July 05, 2008

When things get serious..

Stress is getting to me.
It has managed to seep in every nook and cranny in my brain and is now inundating every fiber of my being.
I am this close to freaking out.
Which only means one thing: it’s midterm week at my school.

I’m not what you’d call diligent when it comes to my studies. I just listen well in class lectures so I usually have an idea what’s going on around me, but I’m not fond of doing extra class work when I don’t have to. I’m the kind of person that does her homework a few hours before it’s due and studies for an exam about a day before I’m scheduled to take it. I don’t do advanced studying. I just don’t see the point. It has always worked for me because I’ve managed to not fail any major subjects in my course now, have I?

But I can’t be like that anymore. If I want to graduate by June 2009, I have to exert extra effort because my old study habits won’t work for the subjects that I’m taking this term. I have to really, truly study hard, which is why you can find me spending and inordinate amount of time in the school library or in the one of the conservatories. I started studying for the midterms two weeks ago but I’m still not sure if I’m adequately prepared for it. I don’t wanna fail anything so I’m pushing myself to study hard even if I don’t feel like it. Just a few more months and I’ll graduate and I’ll finally be done with all of this. I can hardly wait. I wanna do something useful for my mom and dad and brother like working to earn money. I hate being stuck in school. Don’t get me wrong, I love my school and all but I just wanna finish my studies. Let’s just get it all over with.

I am looking forward to graduating because it will bring me closer to finally moving to where my family is. I’ve never really looked forward much to moving to Europe because I know that I will terribly miss the Philippines and everyone that I’m going to be leave behind. But certain events have made me change my mind. I am now eager to leave. I know I’m still going to miss all my friends and my family here when I leave but there are certain memories that I’m keen to move away from. Besides, I’m sick of living by myself here in Manila. It gets really lonely.

I’m pushing myself to study so I can leave as soon as possible. It’s as simple as that. Who cares about stress when I have much better things waiting for me as a prize, right? I may not be fond of studying but I’m doing it as well as I can because I am a person with big dreams and high aspirations. I’m not about to let a little thing like lack of sleep to get in the way of my future.

No comments: