Thursday, November 20, 2008

Someday, my prince will come..

PDA: Public Display of Affection. We all know what this is, right?

PDA-ing couples are the bane of a single person's existence. I guess we're just bitter or whatever but when we see lovey-dovey couples doing mushy gushy stuff to each other, it makes us wanna gag. Which is, you know, terribly hypocritical since we ourselves used to be part of the Public Display of Physical Intimacy club. I guess we just can't bear the sight of happy couples when we're not as blissful as they are. In other words, we envy them. 

I mean, seriously, what did I miss? How can they have that kind of relationship when I can't? How are they making it work? All these questions pop into a singleton's mind when he/she sees couples looking goo goo eyes at each other. 

I got the inspiration to write this particular blog when I was watching the new Cinderella movie on the Disney Channel. They said a lot of things about loving a person for what he/she really is. Accepting someone despite all the flaws and imperfections, and that kind of stuff.. And that got me thinking.. 

What am I? 

This is not something that I am proud of but I have had two failed relationships in the span of just two years.

What went wrong?

Is it my fault?

Or theirs?

Do I turn into some kind of horrible monster when I fall in love?  

And so begins the long-winded rant.

What kind of person do I become when I fall in love?

These are all very mind-boggling questions and just the thought of them makes my head pound so I'm not even gonna attempt to try and answer them.

I realize that this is a very messy blog. My thoughts are incoherent and keep jumping from one point to another.

The short and short of it is..

I have got no point.

The intro is totally unrelated to the conclusion.

But whatever.

This is a free country.

I can write what I want when I want.


Where was I before I so rudely interrupted myself?

Oh, yeah.


I look around me and I see all these happy couples. I used to be one of them and someday, I am hoping to become one of them again. Happy. And in love. Recently, I just made the decision to let go of a person whom I have loved for the longest time and I think it was one of the best things that I have done recently because it has been healthier for me. Emotionally, at least. But, alas, I have no more outlet for my feelings which is why it's all been backfiring and making me a little berserk. But still. I think I'm better now. 

I am the kind of person who loves with all her heart. I think this is what freaked my exes out. I expressed it too much. Or whatever. But isn't that the whole point of loving? Dedicating time and effort to the person who has your heart just to show them how much you love them? I understand that we each have our separate lives but shouldn't a substantial part of this be spent with the object of your affections? That's how I am. I love with all my heart. It's all I know. I never have and never will take anyone for granted. Pag nagmahal ako, isa sha sa mga priority sa buhay ko. Pag nagmahal ako, ipapakita ko talaga sa kanya na importante sha sakin. Pag nagmahal ako, hindi ko sha sasaktan. Pag nagmahal ako, gusto ko lagi shang masaya. Pag, nagmahal ako, totoo. Ayoko ng iwanan. Ayoko ng lokohan.

Is it too much to ask for a guy who would love me the exact same way that I love him? Who would show me the exact same care as I do for him? All I want is someone who will give me a hug when I need one. Someone who will never make me feel that I am worthless. Someone who will not care about distances. Someone who can make me laugh even when the whole world is falling into pieces all around me. Someone who will love me for me despite my imperfections, occasional weirdness, and over-all quirkiness. Someone who will give me flowers for no apparent reason. Someone who will tell me that he loves me just because he wants me to know. Someone who will not get irritated when I'm extra kulit. Someone who wouldn't mind that I'm selosa and who is a little seloso himself. Someone who is a little possessive. Someone who will laugh at my corny jokes. Someone God-fearing. Someone who will be afraid to lose me. Someone who will mean it when he says he will never break my heart. 

We all want the same thing, right? The right person. The right moment. I want to be optimistic and believe that someday, everything will fall into place and I will finally be genuinely, truly, happy.


Anonymous said...

astig nmn... hmm. nakrelate... ako... sana nga maging msaya din me sa luvlife ko...hays....i really really mis her un lng..='( .ingat k lage bittersweet paradox.. stay hapi ok... godbles

kat said...

aww. dude, she's a really lucky girl to have someone like you love her that much. i hope she realizes that. cheer up. things are bound to get better soon. if you need a friend, you know i'm always here for you.