Sunday, July 22, 2007

Curiosity Killed this Kat..

You found out about it last Wednesday.

The thing that you’ve been dreading since March has happened at last.

You knew it would.

You were hoping you were wrong but you weren’t.

Nothing prepared you for the fresh surge of anger, frustration, and resentment towards the person who has been making your life a living hell for the past six months or so.

You hate this feeling.

You hate that person.

At least you’re trying to.

Or maybe you shouldn’t.

Because hate is just as contaminating as love.

You still think about that person, wondering what’s the best way make him feel as miserable as you are.

Which is wrong, you know.

Wrong because you know how much it effing sucks to be this miserable.

You know how much it hurts that you wouldn’t wish it on another person.

Except maybe him.

Selfish thoughts start penetrating your consciousness.

“It’s unfair for him to be this happy when he was the one who caused me misery. Why am I not the happy one? I thought Karma worked the other way around.”

You know it’s wrong. You do.

You’re just trying to find some comfort in your thoughts.

It has, after all, been more than six months.

You’ve been enduring pain for far too long.

Some solace would be nice.

Letting go would ease your burden, you know that, right?

You just don’t know how.

Not when every waking moment is haunted by memories.

Not when your thoughts are filled with questions.

Was it all for real?

Or was I really, as my best friend so eloquently put it, “played”?

You marvel at your own vulnerability and stupidity.

You can’t believe how pathetic you are, can you?

You feel ashamed of yourself.

Stop that.

It’s him who should be ashamed of himself.

He was the one who lured you into this festering hellhole of feelings and questions.

He lied to you.

He hurt you.

Not physically, of course.

No, the pain he caused you is much more painful and harder to recover from.

Thank God you have good friends.

Your friends have been great.

It’s all a matter of time before you look back at all this and manage to laugh at your foolhardiness.

It’s all a matter of time before Karma finds its due course.

It’s all just a matter of time.

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