Stasis

“Never believe a man who promises you forever because it is philosophically and biologically impossible.”

Our Litelec professor told us that last meeting. The promise of forever is the promise of stasis/stagnation. You can’t remain in a particular moment forever. You either descend or ascend. When you reach the climax (or the peak) you eventually have to start descending. When you achieve the object of your desire, the desire goes away because, duh, you already have it. You stop desiring the moment you achieve your desire. Let’s say you were craving for sushi. The moment you eat sushi, you stop craving for it because your desire has already been fulfilled. I think this holds more truth more than we are willing admit especially those who are in love. I mean, like it or not, your feelings will wane at one point or another. That’s why relationships take work.

I was going through my journal when I came across an entry that I wrote a few months back when I was trying to recover from a break-up. Here’s an excerpt. Don’t read it if you don’t like pessimism and bitterness.

I read Meg Cabot’s ‘Every Boy’s Got One’ again last week and one of the characters, Cal Langdon, mentions phenylethylamine (I hope I spelled it right). The body releases this kind of chemical when one is in love. That’s what gives you the feeling of giddiness, euphoria, and whatnot. It’s like a drug, actually. After a while, the body develops a kind of resistance to its effects so the ‘kilig’ goes away.

I’m being too pessimistic, aren’t I?

Hard not to be when you’ve gone through what I have. But whatever.

You have to think hard (I mean really, really, really hard) before you enter into a relationship. Don’t let phenylethylamine render you stupid. Just because you feel giddy when that person is around doesn’t mean you’re in love.

Some pointers for guys:

Don’t ever tell a girl that you can handle a long distance relationship and then use it as an excuse to break up with her in the end.

Don’t tell a girl the things that you know she wants to hear just to make her agree to become your girlfriend. Not when you don’t intend to stick around.

NEVER EVER tell a girl that you will love her forever because you and I both know that you are lying. The worst part is that she might actually believe you and pour her heart and soul into the relationship and, in the end, when it’s all become too boring for you (in Tagalog, NAGSAWA KA), you break up with her. You have no idea how frustrating this is unless it has actually happened to you. The person who promised you forever walks away unscathed because all he gave you was a promise. He didn’t lose anything. Just words. But the person whom you promised forever to? She gave you her heart. She gave you her soul. Those are not easy to get back because they are just as intangible as words but they take effort and they take commitment. She promised you nothing but she gave you her everything, in other words. Does that mean nothing to you? Apparently, it does not.
Just goes to prove my assumption that most men are heartless jerks.

Heartless.
Jerks.

Not all of them.

But most of them are.

Sure, he loves you now.

Focus on the word now.

It’s temporary. It’s fleeting. It won’t last for long.

Magsasawa din yan sa ‘yo.

Sure, he’s sweet and kind and nice when he’s courting you.

Duh, he’s courting you.

Of course he’ll show you his good side.

Just wait till you see his other side.

Good luck to us girls because, while there may be plenty of fish in the sea, most of them are rotten. You’re lucky if you get a good catch.

Happy fishing!

I guess I don't need to explain that I was livid when I wrote this. But there you go.